Candles are essential for any thrifty whore. Stock up on a few candles, dim the lights, and *poof* your moldy basement apartment is transformed into a palace of ecstasy. The alternative lighting also significantly cuts down your electric bill which is also a plus when you're doing things the thrifty way.
Additionally, candles can be used to attract a different genre of clientele. Y'all know who I'm talking about...those who like things a little rough. A little hot wax and some rope can go a long way and, let me tell ya, you'll get some hefty tips outta those guys.
But think back to grade school, when you were taught one of the key principles to live by: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. Most people would thoughtlessly toss out the remnants of their candles after the wick has burned all the way down but, then again, most people aren't thrifty whores.
Body hair removal is a chore that all women have to deal with. Many people choose to keep themselves maintained through regular shaving, but those in my profession know that shaving just doesn't cut it. I strive for 100% customer satisfaction and if a man is paying for time with me then I don't want no five o'clock shadow in my nether regions. Bikini waxes are a must. Being the thrifty whore that I am, I have created an at-home bikini wax using the candle stumps I have acquired over time.
On the stove simply heat up a mixture of sugar, honey, and a dash of massage oil. When that begins to boil, slowly add in your candle stumps broken down into manageable pieces. Mix with a wooden spoon until the mixture is smooth.
While the mixture is cooling down to a skin-friendly temperature (you sure as hell don't want to burn yourself) prepare your waxing strips. Virtually anything can be used as your waxing strips. Some things that I have used in the past have been soiled/worn out sheets and articles of clothing left behind by clients (this usually happens when they get a phone call from their wife). For those tight corners, and for the truly thrifty, the scraps from our do-it-yourself crotchless panties can also be used as waxing strips. Pretty much anything can be used to apply the wax to the skin, but I think Popsicle sticks work best. You are welcome to experiment on your own and please do let me know what works best for you.
You also might want to start collecting used birthday candles as they are just as effective as any other candle, plus they are already small and perfect for melting down!
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
From Sicilian to Brazilian the Thrifty Whore Way
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1 comment:
Pandora, you've inspired me! I'm taking a trip down to the GW for some used candles this evening.
I used to go see Lola over there in Uptown for my bikini waxes but that was just because she's my sister in law and I was doing her a favor. She's not very good at it and I've been to the free clinic a dozen times on account of her not having feeling in one of her hands, so she never knows how hot the wax is gonna be. And she charges me. Insurance don't come free, she says! Like that old bitch is insured.
It doesn't seem so hard and I can probably do a better job than Lo', and I'll save time and money not going to the clinic so damn much.
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